Newsletters
“Comfort for Caregivers: Caring for Others without Losing Yourself”
By Mary Beth Sammons
Published The Balanced Caregiver Newsletter, April 2008
Because I am his mom/wife/son/brother. This is the collective cry of many a caregiver. Just ask Marlene McKinney, a single mom of four teens from Palos Heights, Ill. Eight years ago, Marlene’s life changed overnight when a train slammed into her 13-year-old son, Christopher, as he was crossing the tracks. Christopher was thrown 30 feet and landed on his skull, smashing his head..."
Doctors told Marlene, “there is absolutely no hope,” and that her son would not make it. For eight months, Christopher was in a coma. On his 14th birthday, the family held a bash in the hospital cafeteria. The next day, Christopher woke up and said;I love mommy. Since then, Marlene's oldest son has defied all odds. Now 21, he is confined to a wheelchair and operates in slow motion. But he's chomping at the bit to move on with his life. He is eyeing a career in banking. It's amazing how far he has come, says Marlene. Christopher graduated last year with honors from his high school and continues to take reading and math classes and works part-time at a center for teens and adults with physical and mental challenges.
A community of caregiving
Marlene, 48, is part of a growing community of caregivers in this country. About one in four American families care for a disabled or sick family member, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. And although most bear their burden with love, caregiving is so demanding that most people feel inadequate and overwhelmed. In fact, studies show that more than 2.5 million family caregivers suffer from depression, stress and rapidly declining health because they often put their needs last. Female caregivers, in particular, are especially prone to health problems.
[Caregivers] need help, says John Crews, senior health scientist at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. They need respite. They need a break. They need somebody who has knowledge. Coping through it all- What does it take to survive and thrive as a caregiver? Be very aware of what works for you on a daily or hourly basis,says Kevin O’Connor, a professional speaker, consultant, and educator at Loyola University in Chicago. Take notes if you need to, and focus on what you notice that you are doing that works for you--even just a little bit. This is the road to more relief, more control, and more awareness.
This awareness becomes especially important for caregivers who are also dealing with their own chronic health issues. In order to be present for others, experts advise that caregivers find strength by turning to their faith, spirituality or any other inspiring resources to boost their stamina and combat fatigue. Whatever it takes, O'Connor recommends caregivers need to reach out--or in---to recharge. Feed your mind, jumpstart your batteries, and receive new and creative ideas by reading books, listening to CDs, and getting support from others for yourself. You are of no good to anyone when you allow yourself to become depleted,says O'Connor. And lean on those resources to resist the temptation to complain.
While understandable, no one really wants to hear constant complaints about your care giving duties, says O'Connor. Instead, share stories of the challenges you are facing, what you are doing about it, and then ask for feedback. Be very careful to fill your life with people who support you. Many will speak of their tragedies. Avoid them. They will sap your spirit. In the end, care giving has its rewards.
Home Depot
Building Happiness and Improving Lives
Each year, The Arc of the Capital Area receives dozens of requests from our low-income families for small to medium repairs and renovations to make their homes more accessible for a loved one with a disability. Projects range from painting and putting in shower grab bars to constructing wheelchair ramps and replacing torn carpeting. As a non-profit organization, we have a very limited amount of unrestricted funding set aside for home repairs, so unfortunately their requests often go unanswered.
Just this month, Adria Dawidczik, our Volunteer Coordinator, received three requests for issues that are hindering the ability of persons with disabilities to move comfortably through their homes.
One family (a single mother with seven children) needs the carpet in their trailer replaced so that her son, Christian, can get from the kitchen to the bedroom in his wheelchair. The carpet is torn so badly that his wheelchair gets stuck every time he tries to move through the house. Another family needs a wheelchair ramp built so that their adult daughter with Cerebral Palsy can easily get outside to enjoy the fresh air without someone having to physically lift her wheelchair or carry her to the backyard. In East Austin, a woman's best therapy and her pride and joy are the gardens of her very small home, but this year she could not even afford fertilizer for her yard. That is unacceptable to us.
These are all typical problems that our clients and their families describe to our case managers on a monthly basis, yet The Arc is unable to fullfill these requests unless our generous volunteers donate their time and money. Thankfully, the Home Depot Foundation stepped up to make a difference in these families lives by donating $3,000 for repairs. Every dollar will be used to purchase supplies at Home Depot that will ultimately transform these environments into comfortable and accessible homes that will allow family members with disabilities to move about as independent people. We cannot thank them enough for making such an enormous impact and hope that their generosity will serve as an example for other companies that have the resources to change lives too.
Past Newsletters
April 2007- "The Value of a Friend"
*Capitol Day Update
March 2006- "Faces of Poverty"
* Biography on Tanya Gonzales and her son, Jordan
August 2006- "Rated I for Insensitive"
*University of Texas Meet & Greet
*Luminations & Thanks for Giving
